Deliver This!

Listen to my podcast!

2007-09-28T07:51:00.001-07:00

Last May, a very lovely woman named Joanne Greene interviewed me for my first-ever podcast, which has been posted on my publisher's web site. Generally I hate to hear myself speak (I always fast-forward over myself when I'm transcribing interviews), but this one was a lot of fun. It's about 10 minutes long, and the conversation went off on so many tangents that I didn't get to cover every important point in my book, but think of this as a little sneak peek. Enjoy!

Coming to a baby event near you...

2007-09-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hey there, faithful readers: If you happen to be in West Hartford, Ct, on Sept 30th, or Uniondale, Long Island, October 13-14, come hang out with me at one of these birth and baby events:

Sept 30: I'll be part of the talkback panel discussing a performance of "Birth" by Karen Brody, a series of monologues that I am told is something like "The Vagina Monologues." Should be interesting, and I'm sure I'll get at least a few more blog entries out of it! The event is sponsored by BOLD, a group that advocates for more mom-friendly birth, always a worthy goal. More info and tickets here.

Oct 13-14: I'll be a guest speaker at the American Baby Faire at the Nassau Coliseum. Something tells me there will bags full of free stuff from all the exhibitors. There are even rumors of a bouncy castle.

See you there!

The catwalk in the labor room?

2007-09-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, welcome to fall! Bellamy started first grade yesterday, and so far, fingers crossed, everything's looking good. Molly doesn't start preschool until next Monday, so trying to get any work done or updating blogs has been a real challenge this week. But I just read something I couldn't resist commenting on. The snarky guilty-pleasure blog Jezebel.com just posted this mind-boggling news: A company called Binsi has just come out with a line of skirts, robes and tops to wear while you are giving birth! Now, while I do think the thin cotton robes provided by the hospital leave a lot to be desired in terms of comfort, style, and modesty, the idea of purchasing something new just to wear while you labor strikes me as absolutely absurd. If you choose to labor at home or in a less restrictive birthing center or hospital, you probably have your own comfy T-shirt to wear through labor. Or more likely, you'll be naked. Whatever you do wear will get covered with sweat, blood, and other body fluids, so why spend $50 bucks on a "labor skirt"??? Well, this just proves that there is a market for everything (or at least someone trying to make a buck off every moment of life), no matter how ridiculous.

Is three the new two?

2007-08-14T05:36:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I went to a reunion of sorts with my six best friends from high school (well, one was blended in a few years later, but it just feels like we've known him since high school). It was the first time all of us had gotten together with our families in years. Among the seven families, the breakdown was this: two families had one kid; two families had two kids; and three families had three kids, for a total of 15 kids. Besides the absolute shock of seeing that my geeky little high school gang had spawned an entire village, it got me thinking: Is three the new two?

I always knew I wanted two children, perhaps because that is the size of the family I grew up in. Four is such a nice square number: We fit easily in a car or around a restaurant table. Not to mention the appealing idea that we create just enough new people to replace ourselves. And of course, if you live in Manhattan, as I do, having more than two children means either squeezing everyone into a one- or two-bedroom apartment, or spending well over $2 million for a three-bedroom. Not to mention school tuition and the logistics of chauffering three or more kids all over the city for soccer, piano, etc (though I suppose that is a universal issue). In the suburbs, I hear, three kids has become the norm. One friend, who lives in Missouri, told me that neighbors have gently inquired if she is having fertility or health issues, because she chose to stop after two kids.

Just in the past couple of years, though, I have noticed more and more three-kid families in New York (I have even heard a rumor that there is a four-kid family living in my building, but I have yet to meet them). Is this simply a social trend, is it a statement showing off how many resources the family has, or it is a renewed sense of optimism about the world?

The book-party babies are all here!

2007-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I just heard the wonderful news that my friend Meema gave birth last week to baby Django (named after jazz guitar legend Django Reinhardt; he is the second or third baby Django I have heard of in NYC). This means, drumroll please, that all five of the babies who attended my book party in utero last January have arrived safe and sound! Django joins Samantha, Julia, Quentin, and Fiona. Here is an interesting stat, though, three of these four deliveries were C-sections. One of the births was planned this way (the twins), the other two were emergency C-sections after long labors--five DAYS of at-home labor in one case. Was this 75 percent rate of C-sections due to the fact that my friends are all "older" moms (all in their late 30s, which in NY mom years is not old at all, but in medical jargon is). Or because we live in New York? Or just the way the dice of childbirth fate were rolled in this particular group? Bottom line is all the babies are adorable and healthy, and I have no one to go to the theater with anymore, since everyone is home feeding or nursing. Well, I guess I'll see Spring Awakening on my own! Congrats to all the new moms.

Toddlers and TV

2007-07-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

I’m going a little off-topic this week, but I wanted to let you know about a really interesting book I just read. As a parenting writer, I interview several authors each month who have written books on everything from toilet training to maternity fashion to donor insemination; some are insightful, some make me wonder how a publisher was conned into writing a check for such a heaping pile of crap. But this month the galley of a book called Into the Minds of Babes: How Screen Time Affects Children from Birth to Age Five arrived in my mailbox. It was written by Lisa Guernsey, an education reporter for the New York Times. Guernsey has two daughters roughly the same age as Bellamy and Molly, and has gone through the same soul-searching about TV that I have. The American Academy of Pediatrics tells us we shouldn’t let kids under two watch any TV at all, but then you have the Little Einstein folks telling us that repeated viewings of frog puppets dancing to Mozart will turn our babies into creative geniuses. Guernsey, like me, was skeptical about both claims, and set out to investigate the truth about what TV does—positive and negative—to kids. She did a kick-ass job combing through every bit of research that has been done on kids and TV, and found that a lot of the hysterical claims about TV turning kids into mindless zombies or causing ADHD do not stand up to scrutiny. She also visited research centers and interviewed early childhood experts across the country and found that kids under five do not learn in the same way that producers of those educational videos claim they do. The bottom line is that TV itself is neither harmful nor helpful to children. It’s all about context and content.

I remember when Bellamy was around two, a highly neurotic mom I knew was complaining to me that she could never get a five-minute break from her kid to unload the dishwasher or flip through a magazine. “Why don’t you let her play a computer game or watch a video for a half hour?” I said. She looked at me as if I had suggested she sprinkle some crack on her daughter’s Cheerios. But as Guernsey concluded, putting your child in front of an age-appropriate TV show for a half hour is not going to hurt them in any way, and if it gives the mom a few minutes to chill and revive, then it is actually a good thing for everyone. So check out the book. It’s a fun read, and you’ll never look at Blue’s Clues the same way again.

Drugs vs. natural: a wee little question

2007-07-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. I'm in the thick of two projects I want to complete before my birthday in September: training for a 5k walk/run (you can sponsor me and help fund breast cancer research and treatment here; and finishing all six of Jane Austen's novels. So far I can make it around the park a couple of times without collapsing, and I'm in the middle of book number 3. Two months to go, wish me luck!

Since we last spoke, I attended the bris/baby-naming for my twin niece and nephew. If you haven't been to one, a bris is when a Jewish baby boy is circumcised by a mohel, and then everyone sings, schmoozes, and eats bagels. A bris traditionally happens on the the 8th day, but since Quentin was less than five pounds at birth, it was put off for a few weeks. When my brother and sister-in-law were looking for a mohel, they waded into a debate that echoed one of the biggest questions about childbirth iteself: drugs or natural? Most mohels perform the bris with no anesthetic, just a few drops of red wine or grape juice (in the baby's mouth, that is, not on the part being circumsized). One of the many arguments against anesthetics is that ritual circumcision has been performed for thousands of years with no dugs. The same is of course true of childbirth. But does that mean we shouldn't take advantage of modern medical methods of pain relief? There are also the questions of whether the anesthetic does more harm than good. I found it fascinating how such similar questions came up with both childbirth and circumcision. In the end, my sister-in-law decided to use a mohel who is also an MD, who injected a local anesthetic before he did the snipping. Quentin was a champ. We ate bagels, we schmoozed. So, tell me what YOU think of this debate.

Knocked Up

2007-06-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

So, I admit it, I laughed my ass off at Knocked Up. Even at the fart jokes. And I haven't seen so many honest-to-goodness authentic-looking geeks on screen since that spelling-bee documentary a few years back (the men, that is; in Hollywoodland, all the women are gorgeous, of course). And that childbirth scene. Wow. If you hope to deliver naturally, then that scene might make you grab your Ina May book and run screaming for the nearest birth center. But let's put this in perspective. Would a doctor really promise a patient he never takes vacation and then go away for the weekend without telling anyone, without having a partner cover his patients, and without having his patients meet that partner? I've heard of some pretty callous behavior by docs, but nothing as inane as that. And when Alison and Ben find another doctor to come in off the bench at the last minute, he's hostile, negative, and impersonal. How would a doctor like that have any patients to begin with? I had to remind myself, THIS IS A COMEDY! So therefore, everything is completely over the top. (Check out the deleted scenes on You Tube to see the actor have an even scarier psychotic meltdown.)

But as crazy as that scene was, the part about the doctor telling Alison that she's taking too long and he has to break her water and get her moving is very, very real. I heard that detail repeated over and over in the interviews I did for my book. So basically I think Judd Apatow took some very realistic concerns about hospital birth and blew them up to widescreen proportions to get the laughs. Funny, yes. Alarmist? Um, yeah. I just hope that women who see this movie take it as a reminder to be very careful who you choose to deliver your baby, discuss all possible scenarios with him/her, and meet your backup person before you start dilating!

Two interesting points of view

2007-06-08T06:18:00.000-07:00

I have to give a huge shout-out to the brave souls who came out in that torrential downpour on Monday to take part in my book talk at the Jericho Public Library. Whenever I do these talks, the most interesting thing for me is to hear from other new moms. Since I started working on this book, I have spoken to hundreds of women about their birth experiences, and every single one of them has something new and different to add to the conversation. A woman named Alexa came to this event, who had given birth to four children in Israel, and was now pregnant with her fifth and wondering how it would be different to deliver in the U.S. She talked a lot about the spiritual aspect of childbirth and wanted to deliver as naturally as possible; however, her husband is a doctor, and she feels safest in a hospital setting, so she was trying to figure out the best way to satisfy both needs. Pam, a mother of three, talked about how her experience as a medical-malpractice lawyer informed her birth choices. Whereas Alexa said she was uncomfortable with the idea of following standard hospital protocols, because they do not treat the patient as an individual, but as a set of medical symptoms, Pam said she felt safest when she knew a set of rules was being followed, since she had worked on case where they hadn't, with devastating consequences. It was really an interesting conversation, and everyone was respectful of everyone else's opinion, even when they were diametrically opposed. And there was even a guest appearance by baby Samantha (formerly Eightball), who stole the show with her big blue eyes and adorable Maryjane socks.

Tonight I'm going to see "Knocked Up," which I hear has a very realistic birth scene. I'll let you know what I think in my next entry...

The twins are here!

2007-05-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

See what happens? You write a book about childbirth, and everyone you know starts having babies! The latest birth story I have to share is particularly close to me: Yesterday afternoon, my sister-in-law Melissa delivered two sweet, petite, adorable little babies. Quentin and Fiona were delivered by C-section, and each weighed a little bit more than four pounds. Everyone is happy and healthy, and my daughters are thrilled to have cousins!

Melissa had been hoping to have a vaginal birth, but since one of the twins had been stuck in breech position for the last couple of months, she knew a C-section was more likely. As everyone left town for the holiday weekend (including her doctor), Melissa started having contractions. She says she was glad to have a natural start to her labor, and to have the excitement of feeling contractions and rushing in a taxi to the hospital. The doctor on call left it up to Melissa whether she wanted to attempt vaginal labor (the babies had somehow switched, and the baby closest to the exit was in a good position). However, he told Melissa that even if she delivered the first baby vaginally, there was a chance she would need a C-section to get the second (breech) baby out. This is the type of situation that can stir up many debates about the medical model of birth favoring intervention, but Melissa really felt that the decision was hers to make, and she chose the C-section, because the last thing she wanted was to go through a long, vaginal labor and then have to have a C-section anyway. She says that after she made the decision, she felt relieved and at peace with it. When I saw her this morning, she was very sore--and annoyed that she could only eat Jello--but delighted and excited about the babies and very happy with how things turned out.

Of course, it helped that Melissa had most of her pregnancy to come to terms with the idea of a C-section, and she very closely read the chapters in my book about it, so she was able to emotionally prepare for it (as much as you can, anyway).

What do you think you would do in this situation? Would you try for a vaginal birth? By the way, thanks so much to everyone who has told me they've been reading the blog. I would love to hear your comments! (that means you, Ariel, Lauren, Lisa...)

"You still look pregnant!"

2007-05-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

Hey, remember in my last entry I mentioned my hugely pregnant friend Sarah? She is pregnant no more—little Julia Lena was born last Thursday evening after many hours of labor, two epidurals (the first one didn't entirely work, the second was perfect), and then just a few pushes. The baby is the most adorable thing you have ever seen, and both mom and dad are deliriously happy. Mazel tov to the Chumsky/Gewirtz family!

We also have a new neighbor on our floor: Little Lily Pace was born the day before Julia. When I was talking to Lily's mom Caryn right after she came home from the hospital, she had but one complaint: "Two old ladies in our building insisted on telling me I still look pregnant!" she said. "They claimed that they lost all their baby weight before they left the hospital." You know, I had this same experience: As I was getting out of the car, bringing my first daughter home from the hospital almost six years ago, just two days postpartum, my mom announced that when SHE left the hospital with her new baby thirtysomething years ago, she was thinner than before she had the baby. My response to this is: Yeah, right!

I think we are dealing here with a massive case of selective memory. First of all, it takes several weeks for your uterus to shrink down after delivery. Plus, your skin and muscles have stretched so much that it is virtually impossible for them to instantly pop back into place. So no matter what you remember, ladies, you did not lost all the weight instantly! I think it's also important to point out here that in the 1960s, women were encouraged to gain much less weight than the 25 to 35 pounds that is standard now, so they could avoid having too-large babies. Times have changed, but basic biology has not. So please, moms, grandmas, neighbors, how about smiling politely and saying something like, "Congratulations! What a beautiful baby! You look so happy!"

A bittersweet film about the ambivalence of pregnancy

2007-05-07T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went with my extremely pregnant friend Sarah (by the time you read this, she may already be a mom) to see the new movie "Waitress." It was a highly emotional experience for both of us, not just because of the hormones and the heart-wrenching central theme of a woman trapped in an unhappy marriage, but because the movie was written and directed by Adrienne Shelly, who was brutally murdered last winter just as her film was accepted at Sundance. Adrienne grew up down the street from me, and Sarah directed her in a short film a dozen or so years ago, and we laughed and smiled through the film (which, despite everything, is an uplifting comedy), and then broke down afterward. Sarah's husband Alden did a great job of holding it all together for us.

Anyway, go see this movie. Adrienne wrote it when she was pregnant with her daughter Sophie, and it is one of the most clear-eyed, honest depictions of the ambivalence of pregnancy I have ever seen. Granted, the main character Jenna (played by Felicity herself, Keri Russell) has many legitimate reasons to be unhappy about becoming a mom--a creep of a husband, very little money of her own, and no realistic hopes of escape. But I suspect many of us can relate in at least some small way to how Jenna feels when her friends insist on giving her cutesy pregnancy planners and the staff at her OB's office assumes she wants to be congratulated. And her reaction when she finally does have that baby is believable and delightful. Also, this is one of the very few film depictions of childbirth that I've seen that actually shows a sweaty, uncomfortable mom asking in no uncertain terms for an epidural!

So do yourself a favor and see this film. And then go out for coffee and pie (you will absolutely be craving some chocolate cream or lemon meringue after the movie) and if inspired, consider making a donation to the Adrienne Shelly foundation to support female filmmakers in honor of this this insightful and talented writer/actress/director/mom.

Ricki Lake's Home Birth Movies!

2007-04-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

The Tribeca Film Festival starts tomorrow, which means glittery celebs attending hipster events and screenings of both obscure documentaries and mainstream action flicks. But mixed in with Spider-Man 3 and student shorts is an intriguing-sounding documentary by director Abby Epstein about home birth, called "The Business of Being Born." She apparently follows several couples who chose to deliver at home, including Ricki Lake—former talk-show host, original Tracy Turnblad in Hairspray—who gave birth to her second son in her West Village apartment. Epstein got full access to Ricki, showing her birth in all of its uncensored glory. According to New York magazine, Epstein and Lake say they made the film to call attention to the shortcomings of hospital births and the too-high rate of C-sections. If you're considering home birth (or are interested in exploring why other women might choose this option) and will be in New York next week, this may be worth checking out. Ticket info, click here.

It's baby season!

2007-04-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

This time of year—technically spring, but still feeling like the last dregs of winter—is frustrating in so many ways. I am so OVER my corduroys and sweaters and I keep waiting for an excuse to switch out my closets, but every time we get teased with a hint of warm weather, the temperature drops down to the 40s again. Patience, patience, I know...

But up on the farm and in the maternity wards, spring has sprung with gusto. My family spent spring break at the Hollister Hill Farm in Vermont. There was a foot of snow on the ground (on top of a few inches of mud), and the girls had a blast making snowmen, sledding, and riding on the tractor with Farmer Bob. It was also a real education in the cycle of life for my little city slickers. While we were there, two baby calves were born, there were dozens of chicks and baby pigs, and Ruby, the farmhouse's friendly golden retriever, was busy nursing her week-old pups (all nine of them). This was really a great vacation for my kids. Farmer Lee cooked the most delicious breakfasts, with eggs fresh from the henhouse, and my kids were so busy enjoying the fresh maple syrup and watching the baby animals that they didn't even notice that there was no TV or computer. Ah, rural bliss.

It's baby time here in New York, too. In addition to adorable new Samantha Rose, I am expecting my friends to welcome no fewer than 6 more babies in the next few weeks. And here's a happy addendum to one of the birth stories in my book: Helen (page 241), whose first delivery was so antithetical to what she had hoped for (a long bed rest followed by a painful, complicated labor) that she said she didn't think she would go through it again, gave birth this morning to a healthy baby boy! She soldiered through almost two months of bed rest this time (even more difficult when you have a three-year-old child to take care of), and vaginally delivered an almost-nine-pound baby. I'll get you more details from her about how this birth was different from the last one as soon as she is back from the hospital. All the best to Helen and her family!

News about elective C-sections

2007-03-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

The controversial topic of elective C-sections just keeps making news. As many of you may have read, a new study has come out comparing planned primary C-sections to vaginal deliveries. The results were really not surprising or new: C-sections require a longer hospital stay and cost more than vaginal births. They also have a higher rate of complications, such as infections, that require rehospitalization within 30 days of delivery. From my experience, women who choose C-sections are usually aware of all that. What this study did not examine is the difference between planned C-sections and emergency C-sections, and almost every one of the women I interviewed who chose the surgical option did so because they believed they were at a higher risk of ending up with a C-section after a long labor, because of their age or other factors. It also did not examine the long-term effects of vaginal labor on pelvic floor health. The current research on that is still inconclusive, but it is another reason why some women chose to go under the knife.

This is clearly a topic that will be furiously debated as long as women have babies, but I thought the most interesting thing about the New York Times' coverage of it was this quote from Dr. Edmund Funai: "In a very general sense, Caesarean delivery tends to be modestly more safe for the baby, while more risky for the mother." Ironically, much of the mom-to-mom criticism I have heard about elective C-sections is that it is a selfish choice by women who don't want to be inconvenienced by painful labor. But according to Dr. Funai, women who choose it are putting their baby's health ahead of their own. Of course, this contradicts a previous study that showed that C-section babies have a slightly higher risk of neonatal mortality than babies born vaginally. It's all a lot to chew on, and yet another reason to do all the research and come to your own conclusion before you decide what is best for you and your baby. What do you think?

Misconceptions

2007-03-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

So, last week I listed some things I was not so fond of in my hospital birth: cramped quarters, a few rude nurses, the complete impossibility of sleeping more than 15 minutes in a row. But I think it's only fair to clear up some misconceptions I have heard about hospital birth from women who chose to deliver at home or in a birth center.

"You are not allowed to move around to get comfortable": Not true. I was encouraged by everyone to walk around to get my labor moving. I could have squatted, rolled on a ball, whatever I wanted. And yes, once I chose to have the epidural, I was confined to bed, but since there was no more pain, I was happy to lie down and rest.

"You have to give birth lying on your back." I cannot vouch for every hospital, but at NYU, the beds miraculously transform to birthing chairs (Jeremy said it looked like I was sitting on a throne), and you give birth upright, with gravity doing its thing. But it it true that giving birth standing up or on all fours (positions that other women have found effective) were not options for me.

"You have to get shaved down there." Um, no. This was done in the past for "sanitary" reasons. I have not heard of any hospitals that do this anymore for a vaginal birth.

Bottom line is, if you are concerned about any of these things or have questions, talk to your doctor or midwife well before your due date. I have heard from many women who were able to negotiate the rules.

What I loved most about my hospital birth: the availability of the epidural, my sensitive and funny doctor, the spacious and comfortable labor room (as opposed to the tiny and uncomfortable maternity ward room).

Of course, every hospital and every labor is different, so I'd love to hear from other women about what they liked about their hospital birth—and what they would change the next time.

Some thoughts on home

2007-03-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

I was recently talking to Andrea Christianson, one of the amazing midwives I interviewed for my book, and she asked me, "If you had another baby, would you consider a home birth?" And, you know, my answer really surprised me. I honestly said, "If I knew for sure my next birth would go as quickly as my last one, I would consider it."

Because I have to tell you, with Bellamy's birth, after seven or eight hours of hard contractions, I was ready for my epidural and thrilled with the relief it gave me. But when I had Molly, the labor went so quickly that by the time I got to the hospital and got the epidural, it was almost besides the point. The baby came out a few minutes later. And then I was stuck in the cramped maternity ward, being woken up every few minutes by announcements and various pokes and prods from nurses who wouldn't win any congeniality contests. I left as soon as the doctor let me—roughly 24 hours later. And frankly, the worst part of my labor was riding in the taxi from my home to the hospital, so if there had been a midwife and doula at home to help me get through the labor, the experience may very well have been a lot more pleasant. (I won't go into all the other powerful reasons women choose home birth here—you have to buy my book to get all those juicy details!)

Some key parts to this tale: I live a five-minute drive from a top-notch hospital (backup plans are essential for any out-of-hospital birth), and if I had not experienced two healthy, normal births already and spent the last couple of years talking to so many women who had great home births, I would still feel way more comfortable in a hospital.

So I do wish that more alternative birth stories were out there, and more women got to hear them—not necessarily so every mom-to-be would deliver that way herself (I am all about adamantly supporting each mother's right to give birth wherever she feels safest and most comfortable), but so they might consider it for at least a moment, and then understand why another mom would make such a supposedly "radical" choice.

Name this!

2007-03-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about baby names a lot recently. Not because I'm even halfway contemplating having another one of my own, thanks very much, but because in the space of just a few months, four babies will be born to three of my closest friends, and each of these unknowing little babes was given a very colorful in-utero nickname. The Fetus Formerly Known as Baby Eightball arrived first, and she was given the less quirky but much more beautiful name Samantha Rose. When my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant with twins last Thanksgiving, my two daughters quickly decided the babies would be named Elmo Boots and Snoopy Benjamin, and they have been referred to by those monikers ever since. We're all lobbying now to keep those names on the birth certificate, but I have a feeling they'll go a more traditional, less furry route. The fourth baby on the way is called Lefty, because her mom is convinced she's got a southpaw growing in there.

I wonder if any of these nicknames will stick around after the babies are born and become regular Joes, Janes or Isabelles. A former baby-sitter of mine told me about another child she watched, whose name was—I swear—Poopie. If it was just a nickname, the parents weren't telling, but I could only imagine the kind of diaper explosion in the maternity ward that would inspire that name. I guess Elmo Boots isn't so bad after all.

Would you pick your due date?

2007-02-26T06:50:00.000-08:00

When you meet my daughters, one of the first things they will tell you is, "We're super-special sisters. We have the same birthday, July 12!" (Though I'm sure any minute now my 5-year-old will realize we've sold her on this "super-special" line so she won't complain about having to share a birthday party with a 3-year-old). The follow-up question to me is always, "Did you plan it that way?"

Nope, I did not. But as soon as I realized that Molly's due date was a week after Bellamy's second birthday, I had a pretty strong feeling the gods of irony would send me into labor early just to have a good laugh.

I recently read in the NY Times that, with the increasing rate of planned C-sections, scheduled inductions (and, presumably, more sophisticated birth control and fertility treatments), more and more women are choosing their kids' birthdays. That means you can skip over, say, Friday the 13th (unlucky), Christmas (who wants to get lost in the celebratory shuffle?), or even an older sister's birthday. Weirdest thing in this article was the fact that the single busiest day of the year for births has moved from mid-September to the last week of December. Why? So parents can get the tax write-off for the entire previous year. I kid you not.

Scary stories

2007-02-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

Hey there. Thanks to everyone who logged on and responded last week! As several of you pointed out, maybe the reason we all feel such an elevated level of risk when it comes to childbirth is that we are constantly bombarded with scary stories about what can go wrong. We've all stayed up late flipping through "What to Expect" and panicking because the baby hasn't kicked in the last three minutes or because we accidentally slept on our back during the night. And it's almost a ritual of pregnancy to be assailed by stories about other people's miscarriages or emergency C-sections. As Kathleen posted, we live in a "fear-based society." Of course, bad things happen. But so do healthy, normal, complication-free births. In fact, the majority of births are fairly drama-free (except, of course, to the mom, for whom it is always an emotional epic worthy of a Celine Dion anthem). Maybe it's our voyeuristic nature or our taste for scary campfire tales, but those code-red stories get a lot more play in the collective conversation than the happy-ending ones.

I remember when I was pregnant, I was told by at least three different people to be careful walking on the ice, because if I tripped, I could LOSE THE BABY! And my first thought was, if it is so easy to miscarry that way, then why would we have the need for medical abortion? Then, of course, I would cross the street and walk three blocks out of my way to avoid a patch of ice, just in case...

Did you get annoyed by everyone's cautionary childbirth tales, or do you think it is important to be aware of all the possible complications? Is there a happy balance? What is the craziest thing anyone said to you when you were pregnant?

Welcome to my blog!

2007-01-30T11:15:00.000-08:00

Hello, 21st Century! I know, I’m a little late to the party. While everyone else has been text-messaging, Blackberrying, MySpacing, and iPoding like crazy, my technological development plateaued around 1999, when I finally broke down and got a cell phone. But here I am, fearlessly jumping into the cyberworld with my very own blog. I’m psyched about this, because I think I will be able to open a much wider dialogue about this topic I love talking about—childbirth choices—than I could just walking down the street tapping pregnant women or stroller-pushing moms on the shoulder and asking them about their birth experiences (which, believe me, I have done more than once).

Now I can go on and on here about the spectrum of childbirth choices and the wacky judgmental atmosphere that all moms are thrust into the minute they announce they are pregnant. But you can read all about that in my book. Instead, I want this to be a dialogue. I'll throw out some topics, and you tell me what you think.

One word that kept coming up when I was interviewing the moms for my book was "risk." Moms who delivered in a hospital could not understand why moms who chose to deliver at home or in a birth center would take such a "risk" with their babies' lives. Moms who delivered outside a hospital argued that by putting yourself in the hands of a lawsuit-fearing, time-crunching doctor, you put yourself at risk for unnecessary interventions. Then there's one of my best friends, who is due any day now (go, Eightball!). She is using a high-risk OB, even though she has had a completely healthy pregnancy. But as a first-time mom at age 39, she considers herself high-risk. Another friend of mine flew on an international flight and went mountain-climbing when she was seven months pregnant. Fearless and strong, or unnecessarily risky? Do the risk calculations begin the minute you get the pink plus sign on your pregnancy test? Or does it all boil down to that small window of time when the baby is making its way out of you?

Let me know what you think. And let me know what else is on your mind.